We were allowed to fail (<40%) a maximum of 2 modules as long as our overall average was over 40%. I failed 2 modules and got exactly 40% in 3 more with an average of 47%. If I had been 1% worse in any of those 3 subjects I would have had to repeat 4th year (with only a pass degree no matter how well I did 2nd time round) and because of the new rules being brought in for engineers next year, I would have had to have done a masters after finishing my degree too. I'm basically 2 years better off than I thought, and with an honours degree. It is only a III and I came 48th in the year out of 50 but I am unbelievably happy about it.
I had stayed in a friend's house the night before results came out and had to walk home. The walk home takes about 40 minutes or so and about 15 minutes from home I remembered that it was results day. I wasn't nervous to check or anything because I already knew that I had failed. I'd already told my parents I was going to fail and everything. I spent the last 15 minutes of that walk trying to think up something really cool that I could do as my final year project next year. When I got home I logged in, just to confirm what I already knew. I had to read the results about 3 times before I was certain that I was reading them correctly. III - the 3 most beautiful characters I've ever seen.
I sat there reading it again and again, just laughing to myself. I must have looked insane.
The last time I've been happy with a set of results was 2nd year of college. After that I went to France to study for a year. I spent that entire year way behind everyone else in the class with no hope of catching up. I failed that year but on returning did 2 sets of repeats in order to be allowed into 4th year. I scraped through. It was only then that I realised that I had learnt absolutely nothing of use to my engineering education while I was in France. I had also missed the first 4 weeks of term because I was still embroiled in appeals and super-supplemental exams. I spent that entire year way behind everyone else in the class with no hope of catching up.
I hadn't realised how heavily it had all been weighing on me until the moment I realised I had passed. In that moment I was flooded with relief and it literally felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was walking taller than I had for 2 years. The sheer shock that I had passed only intensified the feeling. For the first time in 2 years I wasn't living in the shadow of impending failure. The constant threat of having to face the poor decisions I've made over the past 2 years, which had been looming on the horizon for so long, was gone.
The fact that I got through 4th year really does show how poor the methods for assessment in Trinity are though. If I had failed I could have had no complaints. I did not put in the effort at all to warrant being this pleased with my results. I did my entire final year project in the 3 days before my thesis on it was due. I got 61% in it.
When my mum got home she pretty much immediately started asking me what my plans are. What do I want to do now? Do I want to do a masters? If so, a masters in what? She kept hinting at the idea of me becoming a chartered accountant and I have no idea why. I have never expressed any interest whatsoever in accountancy or business of any kind. She couldn't have just given me one day to not worry about what's next. Just that one night between being a student, and being an adult. One glorious night in purgatory.
I actually did have a great night that night (how could I not?). Conveniently there was something on which all my friends were already planning on going to and all the engineers ended up going to too. I hadn't drunk a shoulder in quite a long time, and since it had been my weapon of choice for most of my time in college, I decided it was time to get on the train to shoulder town once more. Drank it so fast, got real licked. Kept buying people pints. I ended up dancing on the stage of the club dressed as a panda. Superb night in the end.
I had told myself if I passed my exams I would go to Vietnam with Oisin. I was sure I'd failed so it may just have been a way for me to cop out of the trip which we'd been vaguely planning for a few months.
I'm gonna do it now though. My one regret about my life as a student is never having done a big holiday to a really class part of the world. I did go to France for a year but I was studying there and living there so it was different. I want to rectify that and just do an absolutely class holiday this summer. Vietnam is somewhere I've always wanted to go so I was so glad Oisin suggested it because I really need someone to take the lead in these kind of things. I also think I'd enjoy travelling with Oisin.
This post has been long enough. I'd like to say I'll post again soon because I've a good bit more to say at the minute but I have to return this laptop to college and I lost my other one so I don't know when I'll get another chance. They'd already sent me 3 emails about it and then today I got one from the head of the department saying that if I don't return it I'll be in debt to the college. Not looking forward to not having one but I better do it soon before they decide to take 1% off one of those results.
I'm actually so happy.
