Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want

Bit of a rollercoaster week. So much has happened in the past 5 or 6 days and yet somehow I feel like I'm strangely back where I started.

So many couples seem to have broken up this week. I know of at least three, two of which had been long-term things which came as big surprises to me. It's strange when a couple breaks up out of nowhere. I guess you can never really know what's going on when you're on the outside looking in.

Sort of had something playing on my mind all week and I've found myself thinking about it whenever I'm trying to go to sleep or any time I've had time to myself really. Had a couple of big chats with people this week which have generally been good. Sometimes I feel it's better to get shit out in the open, even though in general I'm quite a reserved, closed-off person by nature. Sorted something out that I've been wondering about for a long time and was pretty happy with outcome.

Good old Jodroy and I had a great chat too. He's quite a philosophical lad at times and really gave me some food for thought. He's a great lad for that. Always pleasantly surprised with his ability to listen and give advice. Very nice characteristic to have.

I always think I'll have loads to say but I'm still getting back into this whole thing and don't really feel comfortable revealing all. I was planning on keeping this completely secret but I felt it wouldn't be fair to be following my friend but then keeping mine from him so I told James. I kind of regret that cos I'm definitely gonna be slightly less open in this now but gotta stick to my principles.

When I think back on this week it;s very difficult to decide if I'd classify it as a good week or a bad week. Plenty more highs than there were lows but the lows felt lower than highs did high. That's always the way though I suppose.

In the past few years I've kind of noticed that when something is going well for me it will only really do it until I feel comfortable enough that it's not gonna get screwed up and I open up about it and start really getting my hopes up. That's when something happens to screw it up. I've noticed this in the past but I might just be paranoid. It did happen again this week. But I think it's sorted. I hope so anyway. At least I did something about, which is quite unlike me.

In case you haven't noticed, I don't plan these posts out before I start writing. I just start with a vague topic in mind and see where I end up. I'm sorry if they're a bit all over the place but I suppose I write them in kind of a stream of consciousness so that probably accounts for the lack of any recognisable structure.

Anyway, reading week this week is gonna be either real shit or real good. I have lots of plans, and if they all come to fruition I'll be a very happy man this time next week. We'll have to wait and see.

First post: neither meaningful nor insightful

First post but not my first blog. I used to have one where I posted my thoughts and views on everything in my life. I really liked it. Found it really therapeutic. But then the wrong people in my life started reading it and it just started causing me more trouble than it was worth. I tried changing the url and stuff but people always seemed to find it somehow. Real random acquaintances started asking me about it and it just got to the stage where I felt like I was becoming 'that guy with the blog', and I didn't like it.

So this time round I'm gonna keep it real discreet. This is for me and not anyone else. I've been meaning to start a new one for a good while but I'm awful at starting these things out and I hate going through the whole process of getting it going. I'm also incredibly unimaginative when it comes to names and stuff like that. Definitely my least favourite part. I always end up having to just go for a reference to something that holds a special meaning for me at that time. So this time round I went for this:

I find that when I hear a cover of a song that I've always loved, like this, I go through 3 phases. I'm currently in the 1st phase with this one which is being in love with it. The 2nd phase, which I'm not looking forward to at all, is the realisation that it is still essentially the same song I've been listening to for years and I get real sick of it. I'll generally go about a year or two without listening to it when that happens. That's when phase 3 kicks in and I come to like it for what it is. A different perspective on something I've always loved. Right now I'm just gonna enjoy phase 1 while it lasts. As I said at the start, it means a lot/reminds me of an experience that's been running through my mind a lot in the last few days.

When I have an experience like that, one which keeps cropping up in the recesses of my consciousness, I always like to give it a bit of thought. Some people try to kind of ignore that kind of thing but I figure it keeps coming back for a reason. Sometimes it's just a moment that's nice to relive, even if you've already deciphered the meaning of it's constant presence in your thoughts. 

If this all seems like I'm being very cryptic, it's not intentional. Or certainly not wholly so. After my previous experience with this blogging thing I'm probably gonna be more reserved with regards to the specific details of my life, at least for the first stage of this blog's existence. As well as this, I'm currently listening to music (and may I just say that shuffle is playing an absolute blinder tonight) and I'm not good at tracking my thought process while listening to music. I'm not what you'd call a good multi-tasker. So this probably adds to the feeling of constantly concealing details and backtracking on myself. Or maybe I'm making perfect sense (although I doubt it somehow). Either way my narrative just feels very clumsy tonight for some reason. Could just be that it's been so long since the last time I tried to articulate my thoughts like this and I need a bit of time to get back into it. 

This post is starting to get very long. I'll leave you with one more song:

I just realised that both of these songs appear at important points in 'Friends'. The original version of the first song is playing on Rachel and Ross's first date and the second one is playing at the very end of the last episode as the camera pans around the appartment. Completely unintentional but funny how stuff like that happens sometimes.