Farewell, old friend.

I've kind of been neglecting this recently. Partially because I keep forgetting I have this blog except for when it's an inconvenient time to write something and partially because I've just been so busy for the last 3 weeks or so that there's been pretty much nothing but inconvenient times. I also haven't had much to write about. Actually, that's not true. I've had a few thoughts that I've intended to post but forgotten about.

But today I learned some news which upset me hugely.

My car has been lacking any sort of power recently so this morning I brought it down to get it repaired. I left it in the garage and then went into college. When I was leaving college I rang my mum to find out if the car was ready yet and if I could pick it up on my way home. I was just not prepared at all for what I was told.

The car needs a new clutch, timing belt, CV joint and a couple of other things which will cost about €1,100 or so. Apparently the car is only worth €500 so my parents don't think it's worth fixing it. What this basically means is that when I drove the car down to the garage this morning, that was probably the last time I will ever drive it.

I don't know if I can adequately describe how this makes me feel but I'll give it a go.

That's it there. The red one. We were staying in Donegal in my friend's house.

We went down to this massive strand and did drag races and stuff.

That car in the background is the police.

One of the many great memories I have of it.

First of all I would just like to say that I am not, in any way, a petrol head. I know no more about cars than the average person. My car is a red (red as you can get) 2000 Hyundai Accent. It has a 1.3 litre engine. I once timed how long it took me to go from 0-60 in it and it took something like 21 seconds (I'm sure it was capable of a bit faster but I hadn't been driving long when I did it). We bought the car 5 years ago this month for about €4,000. The tape player is broken, the central locking on the passenger door unlocks but doesn't lock, the back door on the driver's side doesn't open from the inside, and both of the front windows have been smashed in the not too distant past.

It is not a good car. But it was my first car.

I know every inch of that car so well. I have spent an incredible amount of time in it over the past 5 years. I was 17 years old when I started driving it and was the first person in my year in school to be driving. I think that a combination of the distinctive colour of the car and the fact that I was the first of my friends (by a long way) to be driving has given it almost an iconic status among the people who have been in it.

People remember my car.

I wrote a facebook status about it earlier on and afterwards I was thinking about who might see that status and feel a little bit of sadness to hear that it has given its last lift. I honestly don't think it's an exaggeration to say that at least 40% of my facebook friends have had some sort of experience in that car. If I was betting on it, I'd say that figure is even higher if I worked it out (Edit: I actually went back and counted. I counted the people who had ever gotten lifts or who I only met as a direct result owning that car. If I wasn't sure on someone, I generally didn't count them. 265 out of my 569 facebook friends were directly affected by that car in one way or another).

I remember driving away after passing my driving test. It was 2 days before I started the Leaving Cert. and it was an incredibly sunny and warm day. I have such a vivid memory of driving home, listening to this song on the car speakers. (I realise the irony of the name of the song)

That is such a good memory. Driving along with the window down, singing along to this song and just feeling that the Leaving Cert. was going to be fine. I was incredibly at ease considering how close it was to the exams.

I have so many good memories in that car. I've done road trips with my friends in it. Picked up girls for first dates in it. Delivered countless pizzas in it. That car has witnessed some of the most enjoyable conversations I've ever had, and moments that have defined my life and who I am as a person. That sounds like an exaggeration, but it is not.

Often if I had something weighing on my mind I would get in that car and just drive around for a while to think. I found it incredibly relaxing. I always have. Once I was at home looking out my window at the stars and I saw a spotlight in the sky. I went outside, got in the car and just drove towards the light until I found its source.

That car has given countless lifts, brought me closer to so many people (both literally and figuratively) and has honestly changed my life profoundly.

That car defines part of who I am. It is part of my identity. People know me and they know my car. The idea of it not being there saddens me more than I can say.

I've been trying to think of the songs that I most associate with that car. I used to be able to play my iPod through the speakers until the tape player broke about 2 and a half years ago so the songs that have sprung to mind are mostly ones I haven't really listened to since then. This is a song I used to listen to all the time when I was driving around by myself, especially at night. I always loved the lyrics. I literally haven't listened to it in well over 2 years I'd say.

I knew this day would come eventually. I had thought about it before and have always dreaded it. I just never thought it would come so soon.

I wish I had known that this morning would be the last time I'd drive it beforehand. I don't know what I would have done differently. I would have done a big drive along the seafront for sure. I wouldn't have been able to enjoy it as much as I would have liked to because of the lack of power caused by the broken clutch but I would have appreciated every second of that journey.

I'm going to miss that car. I don't know if I'll ever stop missing it.